Communication is a two way expression of opinions and beliefs. As a child we learned every little thing from our parents. They teach us to say our first words,what to eat, and guide us with our first steps. I grew up knowing that my parents is the highest authority in my life. The most important thing I learned since I was a child is the word respect and authority. That means I have to listen, follow and addressed those people who are older than me and it does not matter how old are they. They are our model, our teacher and our mentor. They shape our personality to be a better person. We do not have a choice at our young age because we look up to our parents like a hero. Sad to say that as a child we do not have a voice, in a sense that our parents has the highest authority in communication.
I grew up in a very conservative family with a traditions that influenced from the Spaniards. Parents that are domineering, overpowering and strict to their children. I mean there is pile of rule and regulations to follow. To tell you the truth, I can not even count it or remember most of them. It is a trial and error. You did something wrong you will be punish or you will pay the consequences. Better be straighten up or you will be sorry.
As I remembered on our elementary days, we just like to play after school. So we are taking advantage while my parents are at work. The house rule is, we have to be home before they got home. So we are happy there is plenty of time for us to play. But as soon as we got home, we have to study. We can not even bargain a treat after doing our homework. There is no way of goofing around. Our television is even locked, I can not even sneak in for few minutes. And if there is an adult visitor we are not allowed to mingle and have a conversation, not unless we are asked to. We should stay out of the conversation and be quiet. We just want to enjoy the company of our visitors and socialized with them. But not with my parents, we have nothing to do with it and it is "for adults conversation only".
That took me 16 years to realize that I can not even speak for myself. At that age, I am so much aware what I want to do in my life. I want to be with my friends, go to the mall, attend parties and explore. But still everything is limited. Exception to the rule, we can go as long as my parents know my friends personally. It is all up to my parents and they were more stricter because we are teenager. My parents even tell us what will be our major and what career they want for us. They were even screening and spying who we dated with .
Not any of those cultural tradition I grew up with is a two way communication. It is only one side of the story. There is something missing. I never had a chance to stand for myself and be independent. All my decision making was approve by my parents. I do not have a voice, my tongue is tied and my lips is sealed. Do I have any choice? Yes, I can either choose to rebel, disobey or follow the rules. But I chose to be a good girl.
On my mid 20's I went to America on my own. I do not have any shadow behind me and authority to worry about. I made my own decision and I learn from it. I stumble and fall, then I stood on my own. Until now I am proud that in midst of everything I can take care of myself. Having a parent as a higher authority of command varied in age level. On my experienced, I am proud that my parents were behind me during those early years of my life. They were strict for a good cause. All parents want the best for their children even it distracts effective communication. As an adult we can have our own opportunity to be heard, to voice our own opinion and make our own decision. Now, I am a parent I perfectly understand my parent's concern for me when I was young. I believe I will have that same respect from my children. Through the years they will also understand that effective communication is a learning process from a higher authority.
As I too come from a Hispanic background I understand how communication among adults is not intended for children to join in on. I remember going to my father’s friends’ house and as they were talking in the living room, I was expected to sit nicely and quietly in the presence of my father yet I was not allowed to make comments or voice my opinion. There were times when they would talk about me and look at me yet I was spoken of as though I was not there or aware of their conversation. I looked back intently waiting for my father to begin closing the conversation as a cue that we would be leaving. These conversations took hours and it was only once in a while, after sitting there almost half of the day, was I able to join the other children to play outside or videogames. My father was a ideal example of an authoritative parent. He never wanted me to comment, ask questions, laugh too loudly, or touch anything. Growing up I became extremely self-conscious and self aware of my actions that my body language only cued of discomfort. Now that I am 22 years old, I have been on my own and I feel as though I do not know the child that I was when I was living with my father. I am able to express myself freely and the only authority figure over my actions is myself. Although it is liberating, I am still appreciative of the things that my father taught me so that I could be better prepared for handling situations on my own. Although many lesson were taught and learned, I do not believe that authoritative communication is the best efficient way to converse. Communication is a two way, give and take, process and the authoritative hinders growth in what is being communicated for it is not challenged by the receiver in any way.
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